Never Underestimate The Strength of a Mom

Being vocal about your feelings seems like a really good thing right? Well, as I have recently come to learn, some can take this as a sign of weakness. It seems as though I have become the topic of discussion for some, and although I can feel the stares while I am out, and people avoiding me because they just don't know how to talk to me anymore, I never would have thought that I would be taken as weak.

I have had the most beautiful life, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean it has been easy. I can't count the amount of places I lived in growing up, I have a strained relationship with family members, and am the child of a nasty divorce. I have been the victim of sexual assault, emotional and physical abuse, and workplace sexual harassment just to name a few things. I have handled so many big things in my 26 years of life, and I always tried to handle them with grace and dignity. I'm sure a lot of people don't know a lot of these things about me, mostly because I tend to not like to make myself the victim in people's eyes. But, going through as much as I have and completing eight months of regular therapy while at one of my lowest points, I have learned that it is ok to ask for help sometimes. It's ok to say I'm not ok, and it's ok to take care of yourself.

I guess the fact that I have been so vocal about how hard Lily's diagnosis hit me, I have been labelled as weak and unable to handle the situation. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I have overcome so much, this will not be what breaks me, especially now that I have Lily. My strength has only grown since becoming a mother. Before when things were tough I thought to myself, this will not be the end of me, I am so much more than this situation. Now as a mother, I refuse to let things break me because I am not only fighting for myself but for my daughter now. She needs a mother that is happy and healthy, and I will be that mother for her. She deserves it.

Since her birth I have pushed myself to do things I didn't have the courage to do before. I fight for myself now, because I want her to fight for herself one day. I want her to grow up thinking, wow my Mom is everything I want to be. I don't want her to think of me as what not to do, or feel like she didn't have what other kids have in a mother. I want to be her own superhero.

I understand that people don't see how I show up for her everyday, how I put her needs before my own everyday, how I comfort her with a smile and a hug no matter the time of night. They don't see me busting my ass to make sure that she has a roof over her head, that she eats what she wants when she wants, that I am always bringing her on any adventure I can. They don't see how much I do for her and how much I give her of myself. The sacrifices I've made, the sacrifices I continue to make.

So next time you go to pass judgement on someone else, just remember that you don't see how much they are carrying on themselves. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, and everyone is fighting their own battles. If you showed up today, I am proud of you. Whether you showed up for yourself, or a loved one, you did it.

xoxo T1D Mommy