Curiosity killed the cat, but what do conspiracies do to a curious Mom?

Diabetes does not run in our family, so you can imagine the shock we felt to have Lily's diagnosis confirmed by doctors. It is one thing to have suspicions of it, but another to have doctors telling you that your child has a lifelong illness that neither of her parent's have exposure to.

I remember being in the hospital room when we were first admitted to have her treated, her Dad looked at me and said that he had been reading some things online about the COVID vaccine and type 1 diabetes having a possible relation. I had gotten my first round of the vaccine while I was breastfeeding, and this had been a tough decision for me. With all of the unknown, I trusted my doctors telling me they recommend me getting it while breastfeeding so I could pass on some antibodies through my milk. I got the vaccine, Lily and I were both fine and I moved on with life. But, when I was told that people were thinking the vaccine could be causing type 1 diabetes in children who were either in the womb or breastfeeding when their mother received it, I thought I was going to faint. I spent hours with my mind racing,

"Could I have caused this? Why did I not wait another month before getting the vaccine? Why would I put my baby's life at risk because someone else told me they thought it was a good idea? How irresponsible am I?"

I called my boyfriend from the lobby of the hospital and balled to him on the phone about how I did this to her... I couldn't believe I put her in this position, I just ruined her life. The support I received during that phone call is one that I will always be thankful for, and the support from anyone I expressed this to for that matter. I thought for sure someone else would jump on the blame train with me, but everyone comforted me with kind words. They all reassured me that I did nothing wrong, I would never intentionally hurt Lily and everyone knows this... I know this.

Not having anyone or anything to blame it was easy for me to blame myself. I cried to Lily's dad about it in the room, feeling guilty that I hurt his daughter as well as my own. He took the time to explain that we didn't know any better, and if we thought this was even a possibility we obviously would have waited to get the vaccine; it wasn't my fault. He turned the blame train towards the vaccine itself, and the government for enforcing it on us. I am so thankful he never looked at me with blame for this...

All within the same 24 hours we learned about another conspiracy theory. Apparently some believe that children who have had COVID were something like 42% more likely to develop type 1 diabetes in their childhood. Well, guess who had COVID in September 2021... Lily. For some reason this one was easier for me to blame than the vaccine, maybe because it took the heat off me, maybe because it made more sense than the amount of vaccine she would have gotten from my breastmilk, I'm honestly not sure. I again felt awful, but we did not give Lily COVID, she caught it just like most of the population. We did our best to avoid catching it, but we still needed to work, grocery shop, get gas, etc. This theory made me feel less guilty, and less angry, so lets just go with it for now is how I felt...

I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of other parents with a child with type 1 (none as young as Lily yet), and I do think it is bizarre how many children are being newly diagnosed. Most of the parents I have been able to talk with say that their child had COVID within a year of their diagnosis and they were incredibly shocked by their child's diagnosis as it didn't run in their families either.

My sister was talking to a woman while out when she noticed her son had a sensor on his arm. She politely asked if she could talk to her about her son and they had an amazing conversation. She explained that her niece had recently been diagnosed and we were all taken back by the diagnosis and struggling to understand how it happened or why. She explained that they had missed the symptoms for so long because of her lack of exposure to diabetes that her son had lost almost 10lbs by the time he was admitted, and her family had approached her to ask her to get him checked. It is so easy as a parent to miss some of this stuff because we see them every day. Slow changes are hard to spot in our own children. So as I have mentioned before about me being thankful Lily's grandmother pointed out the weight loss to me, I'm sure this mother is so thankful for her family as well.

She went on to talk about the mom guilt that she felt for missing the signs for as long as she did, the shock of the diagnosis, and the rollercoaster of emotions she felt for the three months following her sons diagnosis. It is so unbelievably comforting to hear other people's stories about their children being diagnosed... I felt like a failure for being numb for the first week/week and a half. I thought that I was taking too long to deal with this, it is a manageable disease after all (as everyone loves to tell me). But to hear it took this woman three months, another parent I talked to said it took them six months, it all makes me feel so much more comfortable to let myself feel all of the things I have been. I am not a failure, I am human.

The woman went on to tell my sister that she had been noticing more children being diagnosed with type 1 within the past year and it was something that had been burdening her mind too. What did all these children have in common? There has to be something going on here, what is it? She said she had heard about the COVID conspiracy theory as well but had never looked into it anymore, but her son did have COVID...

She had read a conspiracy theory that does not apply to my situation, but she was concerned that there was a rise in young boys developing type 1 before puberty. Her experience with it was that boys around her sons age (approx 10) were being diagnosed lately and none of their families had it run in the family. She believes that there may be some type of correlation between young boys entering puberty and type 1. I feel like the possibilities are endless with the conspiracies of why type 1 is seemingly becoming more common in children, and we may never know the truth.

I won't lie, the rise in children getting type 1 diabetes scares me for many reasons. One reason is worrying about supply and demand. Lily needs insulin to survive now, for the rest of her life. She will never be able to go without.

Is the insulin industry ready for this spike in demand? Will there be a day when we could run out of insulin? What would happen to the diabetics? Another thing that has been worrying me is if my future children will be likely to develop type 1? Should I rethink my desire for a large family? Am I setting my future children up for a life long illness they will always need to worry about? Am I adding to the problem?

One thing that has made me feel better about the rise in cases, is that this will result in more research being done. A few people have mentioned the University of Alberta to me. I have yet to do my own research on what they are working on, but from what I am told they are working on tests for a cure eventually. I am not sure a cure is a possibility, but maybe something even more manageable than the current processes would be amazing. Maybe they will be able to figure out how to treat diabetics with someone other than insulin, or be able to create an insulin that they only need to take occasionally... the world is their oyster and my little babe deserves to be a pearl.

There are so many unknowns at this point, and I am hopeful for a better future for Lily and all other diabetics. No one deserves to be ill. I wish I could take it all away, but for now the best thing I can do is care for Lily and advocate for her every step of the way. I will push for her to receive whatever it is she needs or could improve her health. I will be her biggest fan and loudest and strongest warrior. No is not an option to me when it comes to her, so watch out world, my babe has a loud and proud Mom.

xoxo T1D Mommy