The Importance of Leaning on Your Support

The saying is that it takes a village to raise a child, I want to know how many villages it takes to raise one with diabetes. I recently read a post in an online support group for parents of type ones, and it was discussing whether or not it is appropriate for parents to be posting about how tired they are sometimes or how run down they feel at times. One of the parents was arguing that the parents that do, are going to make their children feel like a burden and less than, guilty for putting that on their parents. Obviously with the way my brain works I instantly felt like the worst Mom ever and wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. But I took some time to think about it and I think there is a point to what that parent was saying, but I think that not talking about it also isn’t the answer. How do we teach our children to be open and honest about their struggles, to feel like their struggles are valid and that they are not weak for expressing them? I know that I didn’t always feel comfortable expressing emotions when I was young, that I was taught to be strong is to be tough and not let people see you sweat. It wasn’t until later in life that I started opening up about my feelings to my Dad, and now he is my personal therapist (poor guy). I know that I want my child to grow up knowing that crying when she is upset, feeling overwhelmed, and most of all, asking for help when she needs it is not weak. I want her to be able to lean on her support system without hesitation. So how do I teach that? Lead by example.

There are still very few people I will genuinely ask for help from, and it can be hard when it feels like none of them can and I wish that my village was larger. I think that feeling like a burden when asking for help will always be something I struggle with, but I hope that it continues to get easier and easier as time goes. Maybe, by the time Lily is older and able to notice these things I will have learned to let that go… one can hope.

I find when I am sick I am the most emotional and feel the most isolated. I think it is because I live alone, and no one WANTS to get sick, so therefore I am blocked off to be alone and take care of myself. The housework builds up, the groceries run out, and the dog gets restless. The worst part of all of it is that I lose time with Lily. We try our best to avoid her getting sick, and truthfully when I am really sick I can’t properly care for her on my own. This is when the isolation really takes a toll on me, wishing I wasn’t ostracized to get better on my own. If I had help maybe I could still take her, even just at the end of the sickness… but I need to put her needs and care before my own and miss out on the time I crave so badly.

I am so lucky that the little village I have get me through the best they can. Whether it is dropping off food and medicine for me, or her Dad keeping her on my days while I rest. I know that I want Lily to have a larger village, and of course I can only hope that she isn’t a single mother one day and doesn’t find herself alone while sick. I want to do what I can to make sure that she builds a larger village than myself, and when I think of it, I have built myself a larger village than my mother had, and I feel like she had a bigger one than her mother. Maybe this is really how motherhood works, always wishing more for your children than yourself. But I think this is where I want to be different, I don’t want to just wish for her, I want to show her. I want to lead her, to inspire her, to be a part of her village. I know that my village is already hers, so she is off to a good start.

I have done so much work on myself to be a better person, to build a life I am proud of, to always push myself to be better and do better. I’ve put a lot of work into who I allow into my village too. Only letting those in that I feel safe to be open and honest with, who don’t judge, who I feel safe with. I feel like the parent that posted we were damaging our children speaking about how hard caring for them can be at times doesn’t have a safe village to lean on. They aren’t being open and honest with their child, showing them that sometimes life is hard and that’s ok. They aren’t showing them that they can reach out when things are hard and that bottling things in doesn’t help anything. Our children with type one are going to have hard days caring for themselves, and will most likely experience burn out. Why would I not want to show her that is normal and that you get through it? Why would I not want her to look for people to relate to and empathize with?

Knowing that Lily will have extra needs and require extra care for herself in life is important, and something I want to prepare her for. I want her to learn the importance of leaning on her support system, and ensuring that she has created herself a village to help her. I will always be open with her, but of course make sure she never feels as though her illness is a burden on me, because it is not. Nothing about her could ever be a burden to me, just having the opportunity to love her is everything to me. I am lucky to be her Mommy, and to have a part in raising her, which includes caring for her diabetes.

I am one lucky Mommy.

xoxo T1D Mommy