The Greater Purpose of It All

Throughout the years I have toyed with the idea of practicing religion. I think this is because I have been through some things that make me question why bad things happen to good people, and have questioned if there is a greater purpose to the pain and struggle. When Lily was first diagnosed the idea of there being a greater purpose didn’t even cross my mind, but that may have been because I was too tired and overwhelmed to think about more than the day-to-day. Now that it has been over a year, and I have gotten involved in fundraisers, made connections within the foundation, and been a support for other people going through a similar situation, I feel like I’m starting to see the bigger picture.

I knew as soon as Lily was diagnosed I wanted to have fundraisers to raise money for diabetes research in her honour. There are two big parts to this to digest, one being that this was my way of feeling like I was doing something to help her, and the second being that I figured the more Lily was involved in the diabetes world, the more less shameful the disease would feel. I hoped that her involvement could make her feel like this is the reason she has her disease, and now that we are actually getting involved in fundraisers, and hosting our first, it’s starting to make sense.

I remember having a conversation with a man that I was dating about how sad I am for her to have her diagnosis, but saying how strong she is and how I can’t fathom her strength and resilience. He looked at her and said, “I think she is going to do amazing things in her life with this disease. I think she is meant for more.” It really hit me. I knew he was right, but I wasn’t sure to what scale. I think I am starting to realize that there really are no limits to the amazing things she will do.

I get emotional when I talk about type one diabetes and the current research happening. I want so bad for there to be a cure, and the idea that research is getting closer and closer makes me so happy I can’t even process it. I think I spent the first year of her diagnosis trying to not get attached to any studies or rumblings about a possible cure, but I have done a complete 180 in the sense of being so hopeful and wanting to be involved in any way I can, and keep up to date with every single new experiment. I’ve gotten to know someone within the JDRF foundation through hosting my upcoming fundraiser and that has given me the opportunity to be informed of these important steps towards a cure, and I’m so grateful. Without hosting the event, I never would have been given the knowledge I have and the invites to important events that I have. I feel so lucky.

I hope that as the years go, Lily and I are able to make the most of her disease and spread awareness and help raise money towards research for a cure. I am excited to see what we are able to do together, and I know that Lily’s strength and courage is going to inspire people the rest of her life. She inspires me everyday, and I know that her love and light is so contagious that she will change lives.

I’m not sure that finding the greater purpose in such an awful situation will make things easier to deal with, because our days are still hard and our nights are still long, but at least when I am feeling burnt out I can look forward to the positives. We have two fundraisers in December that Lily is a part of, and I am so excited to see how much they are able to raise. We may have the opportunity to go on the local news and talk about the fundraisers and in doing so spread awareness. Any opportunity to talk about the disease and improve people’s knowledge of it as well as the signs and symptoms is so important to me. We were so lucky to catch Lily’s diagnosis before she was in DKA and in danger, and I know that is because her Dad and I recognized signs and symptoms.

To anyone going through a hard time right now, don’t get lost in the darkness. The sun will come up again, and things will make sense one day. It might take a long time, but there can always be something beautiful taken from something so dark and hard. Rain brings flowers.

XOXO T1D Mommy